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The following was written by Ex A Grade captain and former premership player Colin Gray. Any one offended by the folowing hunt down Colin. ABERFELDIE-ST JOHNS CC TEAM OF THUGS!!!
Rod Beer.
Bones - the first experience I ever noticed of Bones and his trait
of psycodom was the very first game I played for Abers. I had never
met Bones before but that was all due to change. We bowled first
and Bones took the new ball, bowling lightning fast off about 4
steps and I was fielding at first slip. I can tell you from
experience that while Bones may not have had much of a run-up, he
certainly had a huge follow-through when the new bloke at first
slip dropped a catch first ball of Bones' second over. You can
imagine his reaction when I dropped the very next one also - he
eyeballed me so hard I could count the pulsating blood vessels in
his eyes. I saw many a batsman receive the Bones stare.
Bruce Clarke.
Pear - a very tough competitor, especially the time he was getting
carted so he came in to bowl and overstepped the crease by four
paces and pinged the agate at the batsman's head with the finest
beamer you ever did see. A credit to the umpire of the day who
called "play on". Pear was at his thuggest against such placid
bowlers as Merv Powell and Peter Repic. Another thuggish highlight
was the day he got Steve Cini out in a Semi Final and chased him
off the ground, pointing to the pavillion yelling "FUCK OFF" in his
ear.
Julian Smith.
Jules - a quiet, unassuming type thug who doesn't say much until it
comes to his turn to field in at silly mid off. Here Jules has
perfected the art of sledging in such a way that duds like Rizzo
from St. Francis can bat all day without making a run and having
Jules telling him all day what a spastic he is without the umpy
hearing him. Many a dud batsman are currently spending their days
in a mental institution, sitting on the floor, rocking backwards
and forwards with a spiffle of dribble delicately balancing on
their chin like a stalactite as a direct result of Jules' cutting
sledges. A great man to have on your side.
Dale Thornton.
Slug - a pure gentleman of the game, an extremely strong desire to
win in the fairest of manners. Unfortunately for Slug though he is
included in the team of thugs simply because he is the only Abers
Captain to have been reported. Yes unfortunately for Dale he
blotted his copy book the day we had some dick head dud umpiring who
didn't know that if you got a team out within 15 minutes of the tea
break, then you take a tea break. Slug attempted to argue our case
but no - this idiot made us go in to bat where we lost 3 wickets in
the 5 minutes we weren't supposed to be batting. One of these
wickets was Slug, caught behind off his hip. Slug was disgusted and
threw his bat, thus getting himself reported, thus blotting his
copy book. To make matters worse this dickhead umpire made us wait
around after the game while he filled in his report, which took
about 1 hour because he had sun stroke and wandered around looking
for some shade to sit in while he filled out the form. This as you
can imagine enraged Slug even more. The tribunal result - 2 weeks,
suspended sentence....
Slug also gets a mention for the thuggish bouncers he was bowling
at dud mate Hecter from Stathy Heights that day.
Adam Von Giese.
Avon - your classic fast bowler nutter who has been know to have
his eyes roll back in his head at the sight of St. Francis dud
Jason "Jabba" Ball walking to the crease. Adam has a great ability
to make a ball rise from a good length and hit a dud batsman
between the eyes before he can blink. Avon is another great team
player with a quick lip and the sign of a batsman ducking under one
of Avon's throat balls will quickly bring out Avon's favorite
line..."You're shitting yourself mate..." Avon slotted in to the
Abers team immediately by playing in his first game at Pascoe
Vale's ground where Aberfeldie/St. Johns were named the worst
sledgers Pascoe Vale has ever played against.
Colin Gray.
Col - a very modest, quiet, unassuming chap who made it to the team
of thugs by default. It goes back to when I was just a kid playing
in a team of champions against St. Francis. I never used to say
much, I was just in awe of my team mates until this one day in a
semi final where I had batted ok but upon my dismissal I was given
a send-off by the opposing captain (whatever his dud name was). He told me to "fuck off you
lucky bastard". I was raging inside but kept my cool and was
delighted to find that my senior team mates had stood up for me and
were enraged also and they all decided that the best way to
retalliate was for me to give the opposing dud captain a send off of my
own when he went out. I spent ages working out what cutting sledge
I would give him and when my moment of glory came and his wicket
fell I ran up to him and blurted out "and you've got the balls to
call me a lucky bastard...FUCK OFF" apparently I had said it so
loud that I was lucky not to have gone on report and missed next
week's GF. Since then I think I am much better at the art of
sledging.
Ross Symons.
Symo - Symo would have to be captain of my Abers thugs team of the
century. An extremely competitive performer who holds a particular
grudge against Broady Socials,St Francis, Port Phillip Combine, St
Francis, St. Marks and anything to do with St. Francis. From the
time Symo got St Marks dud Simon Cookson out with his leg cutter and ran down
the wicket, finger pounding towards the sky yelling "Yes that's the
leg cutter!!" to the time in the 1999-2000 GF when St. Francis dud
Jabba went out for a golden duck and Symo jumped out of his car in
sheer delight to be there waiting for Jabba when he got off the
ground. Symo was another pure gentleman of the game who was often a
victim of circumstance in that other teams often found it necessary
to get his wicket by cheating, like Broady Socials catching him 30
yards over the boundary. Symo used to keep his cool by skulling
Vodka and Orange at the tea break.
Steve Wills.
Stiv - another fine exponent of the sledge and many a batsman and
bowler have been known to receive a tongue lashing from our Stiv,
which can be a little disconcerting when he is giving some psyco
bowler a gobful and you happen to be batting with him at the time.
Unlike Jules who does most of his sledging close to the bat, Stiv
will yell out to the batsman from the boundary at fine leg "You're
shitting yourself mate" which is why Stiv has often found himself
in trouble with the umpy and has also found himself on report. Stiv
has had a long running feud with that idiot left handed dud batsman
from Port Phillip Combine (whatever his name is) and my prediction
is that one day the two of them will be sitting next to each other
at the tribunal.
Glen Beer.
Hooter - brother of our first entrant Bones, Hooter is awarded a
position in my Aber/St.Johns team of thugs mainly because of the
time he came up with the 'Dulcify' call on Kenny Lee. Hooter and
Kenny were having a bit of a tiff over something or other in the
club rooms and Kenny was getting quite hot under the collar. Now
for those who don't know Kenny Lee, he had the greatest comb over
in the world and to settle the arguement they were having, Hooter
called him 'Horse hair head'. It is a miracle that Kenny didn't
clobber Hooter there and then on the spot which suggests to me that
Hooter must qualify for the thugs team indeed.
David Smith.
Smitty - a thug in the truest sense of all things thuggery simply
because of the way he tries his hardest to get reported at times.
Smitty is famous for telling the umpy exactly what he thinks of him
at times of a dubious decision. So far Smitty has somehow managed
to escape the rath of the tribunal which is an absolute miracle but
he is still the only player I can think of who has been head butted
by another player while officiating as an umpire.
Cameron Dodd.
Doddy - was the unfortunate owner of 2 kids. Matthew and Simon.
Better know as 'The Dodd Kids'. These kids were absolute monsters
and would get up to all sorts of mischief, from breaking the
windscreen wipers on Dale's brand new car while we were all out
fielding, peeling paint and rust patches off their dad's car in
chunks, or playing dwarf throwing with their 3 week old little
sister on the gravel road of the car park at Fairbairn Park. Doddy
was a remarkably calm individual under the circumstances and used
to vent his aggression on the cricket ground with many a sly remark
or witty, provoking jibe at an opposition player as was also shown
when Doddy mastered the mandkat as a way of firing up his
opponents. I predict Matthew and Simon to be future Aber/St.Johns
thugs.
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